We regret that trivial activities such as our jobs have prevented us from engaging in the important work of writing up our barbecue revue. We really, really will post it this week.
Fred, meanwhile, has obviously gotten light-headed from his weight loss. I arrived home last week to be met with this astonishing news.
Fred: “I got us some new Clorox wipes at the store today. I noticed there were some stains on the kitchen floor, so I wiped them up.”
I stared. I looked at the floor, where two coffee stains, not Swifferable, had been lingering. I looked back at Fred.
“You did what?” I croaked.
“I wiped up the stains.”
“Let me get this straight. You actually noticed there were stains, and you wiped them up?”
Fred began to look worried. “Well, yes,” he said.
He should be worried, I thought. He’s gone mad. How long can this go on?
Later, I noticed a large quantity of paint on the $50 wooden display we’d bought to hold prints for his upcoming art show. Apparently Fred had decided it would make a great easel. “What about the extra easel you have sitting over there?” I asked. “Isn’t that what it’s FOR?”
“Well, it’s all beat up and has paint on it.”
My faith in humanity was restored.